Baby, it’s cold outside…but I got the walk in before the worst of the storm hit (I think).
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Nathan,
Good to know you’re walking and taking care of yourself. We surely want you to last a good, long time! (Purely self interest, of course…)
It’s taken a bit of time, but below are some comments on Half Share.
Location 10 of 3873: In the list of your publications, only Ravenwood is given under Fantasy.
85: In discussing Pip’s passing exams, “cargo man” is two words. In other novels, it’s one – probably the more proper usage. You may also want to do a global search on this one for consistency.
972: “cleanup only took a few ticks…” “Cleanup” needs to be capitalized.
1042: Ish is talking with Bev about Sarah being dehydrated. “… and coffee in her…” Believe the “in” should be “into.”
1180: Pip has just given Ish some of Sarah’s new biscuits. “As I stepped away from the serving window…” This is (near as I can tell) the only place where you discuss a serving window. Normally it’s a buffet line or some such. Suggest you could simply eliminate the entire “from the serving window” without losing context.
1365: Ish is talking with Francis about his probe ship experience. “Ah, I see so that’s how…” Needs a comma after “see.”
1385: Ish is in environmental during pull out. The announcement is that the tugs will “cast off in three zero ticks…” Next paragraph, Ish tells Diane they have three stans.
1601: Ish is musing about standing duty with Diane. “Being on duty with her, meant…” The comma shouldn’t be there.
1777: Bev pulls a suit out to show Ish how to use the reporting function. She pops open a locker and pulls out a used suit – why is there still a used suit? Ish didn’t use one during the drill, so presumably the previous drill was some time ago. I’d think Engineering would service the suits pretty quickly, and nobody else was in Environmental during the watch.
2281: Ish is describing Bev’s outfit. “…instead of the usual armor plating under it…” Didn’t she wear the armor plates as a jacket?
2321: Describing the receptionist post at Chez Henri, “The entry consisted of just a podium…” Is the receptionist on a podium (stage) or at a lectern/desk?
2340: Ish, Brill, Diane, and Bev are going into the inner sanctum of Chez Henri. “We entered into a smallish room…” “into” is unnecessary.
2359: Ish is describing the robe at Chez Henri. “I should have been nervous but the robe felt so luxurious against my skin. I did not even flinch…” The two sentences might read better as one.
2369: Henri is asking who Ish think he is. “So, Mr. Ishmael Wang?” This is the only place where Henri uses “Mr.” instead of “M.” or “Monsieur.
3446: Ish is talking with Diane, who asks if he thinks she is in the same league as Brill and Bev. “What you think you’re better?” Could stand a comma after “what.”
3722: Ish just gave Brill a stone necklace. She responds, “It’s still warm. “You’ve been wearing it all day?” The quotation marks before “You’ve” should be removed.