I’m still alive. I’m struggling to get the structures rebuilt and – so far – not succeeding.
Walking helps my emotional state. Talking is extra. I’m not doing either right now because I can’t summon the will to put on the boots and go. It’s a kind of chicken-egg situation where I know I’d probably feel better if I walked, but I just don’t feel well enough to start.
Thanks for your patience.
Tomorrow’s another day.
Warmest wishes and a prayer that you feel more well soon.
My bestest, oldest most long-time friend is a badass, free-skiing, mountain climbing, canyoneering, sailboat racing woman of 60-something. She’s about 5′ nuthin’, weighs in at a whopping 95 lbs. and can do anything. I mean, literally anything. Before her current incarnation as a full-time rock and roll outdoor diva she was very (I mean verrrrrrry) high-up in a large phone company. She was a wheel. A big one.
I, on the other hand, am not.
I also “can’t wanna” walk some days.
Revelation: One day I shared my resistance. My friend told me “I know that place. I was just there. I knew I had to get out. But I couldn’t make myself want to go. I sat on the floor, laced up my boots, and cried. Then I went.”
Happens to all of us.
If I were there I would hug you and give you chicken soup and home made biscuits, then hand you your hiking stick.
– Casey Cheuvront
Glad you are doing your walking. <3
Trust Lois. Safe voyage>
Can’t even read properly after a tough night watch with the baby… misunderstood your post. I hope you feel ready to get the boots on soon. Take care of yourself!
Nathan, you need to walk for many reasons. The main one being your own emotional well being. Not having had an update since 11/18 forced me to go back and listen to the whole talking while walking series from the first one. I’ve got to say that through the series I could hear the change in your thoughts. You became more focused, creative and clearer of thought and action. IMO the final result was In Ashes Born which also IMO is as good or better than any book in the share series. I have read it over 3x now and the level of your writing and the depth of the characters had me wishing it didn’t end. Now for my own selfish reasons, I enjoy hearing your thoughts and the process of your creativity. I could never do what you do but listening to you I can live vicariously in the great mind of a writer. Now get up off your ass, put on your walking shoes and get out the door.
I have many days like this. The way I motivate myself is agree to walk for only 5 minutes. I can stop after that with no guilt or blame. What’s funny is that once I’m doing it, I always end up going longer. Take it from a physical therapist– movement definitely impacts the psyche. Here’s sending good thoughts your way!
Don’t forget to breath.
Also, have you been following the coffee discussion?
I feel you Captian. This time of year is rough. Just keep movin’
You’ve been ill Nathan. You should stop beating yourself up.
Clean your coffee pot out and enjoy it. That’s something you can control. Small steps.
Take your time Nathan, we’ll wait
Hang in there Captain, we will always be here for you.
Always behind you, Nathan.
Nathan, we’re thinking of you. Do what makes you be well and know we are behind you every step of the way. You have given us a lot of joy. Take it back, as much as you need.
:: hugs ::
I’m torn between being sympathetic to your illness and slow recovery and wanting to deliver a metaphorical kick in the ass to get you moving again. Some days it *is* too hard to get going. I understand that from personal experience, but those are also days you will never get back. 🙁
So rest at Port Newmar as long as you need to, but know that it’s not what you’re meant to do.
Wish you well and I miss the talks, including the simpler everyman struggles of work, home & hearth you sometimes put to voice which I (and assume most) do relate to. I find myself saying “yup, been there” regularly. Now I am missing my morning walks because my walking partner tore her hind leg ACL; which is a poor excuse I know.
Captain,
Remember that you need to take one step at a time in rebuilding things. Even if it is one small step every day then there is at least some progress. Good luck, and prayers that you are able to climb out and rebuild again.
Writing is one of the most full feeling and hardest things a person can do.
Cut yourself some slack. You are doing more than most people can do so don’t pressure yourself however if you are like me you will begin to feel better building a slow word count. Too long away from a story tends to extend with me and it becomes harder to recreate the joy..
Get out and walk, even if you don’t record – do a mile instead of your full two miles. Do *something*.
Miss hearing from you. Hope that you are doing better.
Best Wishes for a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.