So, 25k in four days. It was a stretch because I got so sidetracked by beta feedback yesterday. I just couldn’t leave it alone.
Some great feedback. I can’t say that enough. Clearly the story needs some work and I’m looking forward to it. Thanks to everybody who’s helped.
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It actually works better for me with her not knowing she was being cheated, because then I’d expect there be a lot more anger, and her to take the job so she could order/find the part in CPJCT space. Too many ways she could have worked towards getting the part she needed without taking the job (false front buyer, talking to station owner, etc.).
It feels like that would really change the arc of the story, and also the character as well. She doesn’t seem like the type to just meekly go along with a scam and take a job so she can overpay by 200%. (Nor does that seem consistent with what we know about her father.) Now the entire story would be about how she’s *not* going to pay those rates.
It feels like that would really change the arc of the story, and also the character as well. She doesn’t seem like the type to just meekly go along with a scam and take a job so she can overpay by 200%. (Nor does that seem consistent with what we know about her father.) Now the entire story would be about how she’s *not* going to pay those rates. I think your subconscious was right on track, and nailed it the first time! 🙂